Don’t Call Me Daddy

The word “daddy” has become somewhat of an interesting word in our culture. While traditionally this term was used (almost) exclusively to refer to one’s father, the term today could also refer to someone who isn’t one’s father. In the kink world, the term “Daddy” (emphasis on the capital “D”) can even be a formal role in a D/s dynamic (such as in age play) or an honorific. In popular culture, the word “daddy” tends to be thrown used to describe a (generally masculine-presenting) person that someone is attracted to. This phenomena has also spawned variations on “daddy” like “zaddy”.

A classic meme that demonstrates the more modern interpretation of “daddy.”

As I’ll be discussing the word in this post, I’m looking through the lens of “Daddy” as an honorific, a term used to show respect to a Dominant, and why I’ve become more selective about who can call me “Daddy.”

What Is an Honorific?

For those who may be unaware or would like a refresher, “honorifics” in the BDSM world are specific terms used to describe individuals in Dominant or submissive roles. For example, a Dominant may be referred to as “Sir,” “Master,” or (as most relevant to this post) “Daddy.” There are also honorifics for submissives such as “pup,” “girl,” “slave,” and “bitch.” I recommend asking someone which honorifics you may use with them (if any) before making an assumption for best results, as not everyone likes using all honorifics (even if role-appropriate).

My Relationship With Honorifics

I feel I have an odd relationship with honorifics. While I see their value, I suspect I’m pickier than most about the honorifics I’ll allow others to use to refer to me. For example, “Master” is a hard “no” for me. “Sir” doesn’t feel quite right most of the time, “Handler” is more than fine, but there’s been something about “Daddy” that stands out from the rest. To a certain extent, I think this comes from a desire I have to care for those I’m fond of and see as my chosen family. I see a true “Daddy” as one who cares for their own and it’s something I aspire to be when I wake up every morning. However, this creates a conflict of sorts with how “Daddy” tends to be used in our society today (and particularly in gay culture).

Being called “Daddy” by someone I don’t know or don’t have a certain bond with feels out of place. With how I’ve thought about the term, it feels like something that only those in my “inner circle” should be able to call me, something special for those people to use. I’ve found that some others also ascribe a certain importance or intimacy with the term (most relevant to this conversation, submissives), which has given me pause to my prior approach of allowing anyone to call me Daddy. It can be flattering for a “random” submissive to call me Daddy, but I’ve found that the short-lived novelty of that sensation may be massively outweighed in cases where a submissive develops feelings that aren’t reciprocated.

With where I stand today, I’m not opposed to being “Daddy” by any means, but, for me, it’s an honorific I feel I need to earn through my actions rather than assuming or simply being given. That is, I only deserve to be “Daddy” if I’m living up to the meaning I’ve assigned to the honorific.

Closing Thoughts

While “Daddy” isn’t completely off limits as an honorific for me, exploring how I feel about it has helped me frame in my mind how I view honorifics and the power they hold. It’ll be interesting to see if I feel as strongly about other honorifics as language evolves and the kink world changes with it.